Fingers crossed, I’ll be in the White House one day. Here’s my running list of executive orders to boost national morale and push America towards greatness. I will constantly be updating this bad boy.
- A 3-day workweek
- After negotiations, we’ll probably end up with a 4-day workweek, but it’s good to aim high
- People need more time to develop their personal interests, go watercolor
- Ban horse carriages in NYC
- Nothing will bring me greater joy than walking through a horse-free park
- Effective Immediately, release all the horses to the fields upstate
- Free Plan B / Therapy / Abortion for all
- FREE! We’ll cut spending on the DOD because we’ll all be so emotionally regulated
- Follow up with heavy research / development of effective male contraception options
- Federally legalize marijuana
- Change national anthem to Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus
- Everyone loves that song, no bad affiliations
- End daylight saving time (stay on daylight savings?)
- I don’t know how to word this correctly, but essentially we need more light in the winter. It’s depressing.
- Make ‘Naughty Saturday’ a National Holiday
- On the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter
- Everyone is allowed to break one law of their choosing with no consequences
- Chick Fil-A legally required to be open on Sundays.
- Complete Redesign of American Currency
- A woman on the hundred-dollar bill to start
- Change up the colors, let’s get some pinks and blues
- We’re getting back on the moon STAT.
- Kinda crazy how we just went once, like, let’s get back there with some good quality cameras and a ring light this time.
- People required to retake their driver’s test at age 75
- All mocktails must be at least $10 cheaper than a standard cocktail
- this is personal, but it’s ridiculous. i’m paying $17 for some shitty mint muddled in seltzer and lemon juice?
- Siestas – lets get those implemented ASAP. Incentives for businesses that get on top of it quickly.
- All airlines must board planes from the BACK TO THE FRONT
- all planes will be outfitted with seat- assigned carryon storage so everyone get’s a space